MY 1st MEETING

When I first met Anandan I was struck with amazement at the whole world that he presented before me. He spoke of things I had never heard of; of dreams he had and willingly shared. He told me everything about himself and more. He tried to connect in a way I truly admire. I still remember that day as clearly as this moment. The time spent was probably a few hours but those hours presented a whole new world to me. Where I wondered and questioned myself and my true feelings for people I knew. It struck a strange cord when I tried to imagine things the way he did.
And that was when I asked myself why we stooped to adjust, to accept what we got without questioning the reason and without retaliating when we got what we did not deserve. I don’t claim to be chaste but neither do I claim to be a prostitute who chooses to be what she is. I say this because I do know people who are forced into the act at a young age, some who are fascinated and take it up voluntarily and others because they feel it’s the easy way out. A lot of value is laid on love and when I saw pretty woman for the first time I was intrigued. Because so many times we brush off so many people because of the life they lead or because of what they do. We set standards and try hard to reach there but do we really know what goes on behind that extremely beautiful, serene face of theirs.
Do I know for sure if what u feel is happiness and if your happiness is not going to be my unhappiness?
Do I seek pleasure in your pleasure or do I seek my own and cause you pain?
These are questions I ask myself time and time again. Do I live with you not knowing its you I live with or that pale shallow ghost of yours that your eyes betray?
Do I gain by giving you your will and accept it or do I let you know that it doesn’t work that way… It pains when u hold me too tight. But that pain is my pleasure. Do you know that? And knowing that can u accept it?
I had been through a phase in my life when I felt I made a wrong choice but i trusted that at the end of that experience I would find myself. And I did! I found what I was made of what I wanted from life at this instant. Rather I was living in the “now”… I meet people and I listen to them and sometimes I speak to them. With a few of them, I converse and those conversations I treasure…